Last updated on: December 23rd, 2019 ~
Humans are a complicated bunch. We’re the most advanced animal on this planet. We have the ability to form interpersonal relationships, casually chat with strangers, acquire a formal education, and work a career.
Have you ever thought about how crazy all of this actually is? Life as a human is absolutely amazing. But, it can also be depressing at times…
Because, all humans are plagued by bad memories that are tucked away deep in the subconscious mind. Whether you realize it or not – your most painful memories (which might not even be “real”) probably still haunt you to this day.
So, this article shows you how to eliminate bad memories from your life using 5 relatively simple tricks. Let’s get started…
Contents
Trick 1. Process your bad memories individually (recommended)
The best things in life require consistent work and effort.
So, it only makes sense that the best way to eliminate bad memories involves a bit of mental pain and discomfort.
Please don’t get scared away by this. Because, processing your bad memories individually is the ideal way to overcome your embarrassing moments, traumatic life experiences, or any other negative recollections that might be harming your quality of life.
To process your bad memories individually, you’ll simply need to wait for a moment when you feel a “trigger” or bad memory come to surface.
Once you feel a bad memory come to surface – you’ll want to experience that bad memory like you’re going through it all over again. Take your time to absorb the bad memory, experience all of the negative emotions, and process the mental pain.
Yes – this will be extremely difficult to do. But, once you’re able to fully process your bad memory, you’ll suddenly feel more “free” or “relieved” afterwards.
This probably happens because your bad memories are intertwined with strong negative emotions. But, once you begin to “process” your bad memories/emotions, and absorb the pain that comes with them, you essentially tell your brain that you’re stronger than these negative past experiences.
This is like rewiring your brain to associate bad memories with neutral or positive emotions rather than negative emotions.
Because after all – if you can overcome your bad memories, you will become a more resilient human being. You can associate your bad memories with positive or productive emotions. Doing this will absolutely change your life for the best.
Trick 2. Convince yourself that your bad memories never even happened (easiest solution)
If you don’t want to take the time to process bad memories individually, then your next best option is probably going to involve brainwashing yourself in a positive way.
Because, the truth is that most people tend to exaggerate their bad memories.
You might have a bad memory that absolutely haunts you from your perspective. But, from the perspective of other people, your bad memory might not even be that big of a deal!
So, why not convince yourself that your bad memories don’t even exist? This trick absolutely works for many people, and it can work for you too…
To convince yourself that your bad memories never even happened – just tell yourself that your bad memories aren’t even real as soon as they come to surface.
If you tell yourself that your bad memories aren’t even real for long enough – you’ll inevitably start to believe yourself.
This is a way of practicing positive self-talk.
If you can train your brain to think positively no matter the circumstances – you will think, feel and act with more confidence.
Eliminating your bad memories regardless of what it takes will “clear out” your subconscious mind, and enable you to navigate life more freely.
Trick 3. Create new memories
Forming new memories is one of the most fun and productive ways to eliminate bad memories.
As a human being, your memory capacity is quite large. This means that you have the ability to create a bunch of memories over the course of a lifetime.
But, you probably aren’t going to be able to recall every single memory that you have. Humans are quite forgetful…
So, here’s the point:
If you spend the majority of your free time creating new memories – your bad memories will start to feel less and less relevant.
To create positive memories that help to eradicate bad memories, you can always…
- Take a road trip
- Attend a music festival
- Travel to a new country
- Pick up a new hobby like tennis, hiking or painting
- Learn a new language
- Immerse yourself in a new culture
- Do anything that’s novel or exciting
The good part about creating new memories is that it isn’t an expensive or time-consuming process.
You can attend a life-changing music festival for a few hundred bucks. Or, you can take a road trip with friends over the course of a weekend.
By forming positive new memories, you will inevitably push out bad memories from your subconscious, and begin to focus on the exciting new memories that you create.
Trick 4. Shift your focus to the present moment
I always find myself feeling most anxious when I get too caught up thinking about what the future holds, or worrying about my past mistakes.
If you’re constantly worrying about a time that doesn’t exist (i.e. the future or the past) then you’re only making things worse for yourself by wasting more time.
Think hard about the fact that the past is just a memory that’s tucked away in your subconscious mind. And, the future doesn’t even exist.
When people say that “now is the only time that matters” – this isn’t just a cliche. It’s the truth.
“Now” is literally the only thing that matters because it’s the only point in time that truly exists.
So, you should try your best to spend more time focusing on the present moment. You can become more “present to the moment” by meditating, exercising, performing deep breathing exercises, and generally taking control of your anxiety.
Shift your focus to the present moment, and you won’t even have time to think about bad memories.
Trick 5. Keep building psychological resilience
Building psychological resilience is a long-term process.
But, it’s a process that anyone can use to overcome bad memories, and persevere through many negative aspects of life in general.
Here’s a quick definition of psychological resilience from Wikipedia:
Psychological resilience is defined as an individual’s ability to successfully adapt to life tasks in the face of social disadvantage or highly adverse conditions. Adversity and stress can come in the shape of family or relationship problems, health problems, or workplace and financial worries, among others. Resilience is one’s ability to bounce back from a negative experience with “competent functioning”. Resilience is not a rare ability; in reality, it is found in the average individual and it can be learned and developed by virtually anyone. Resilience should be considered a process, rather than a trait to be had. It is a process of individuation through a structured system with gradual discovery of personal and unique abilities.
The key point in this definition is that resilience is not a rare ability. Anyone can develop more resilience in their life.
It’s also worth noting that people with anxiety are especially strong candidates for developing psychological resilience – because of the many embarrassing moments, sudden freeze-ups, panic attacks and negative life experiences that we’ve already had to endure.
We’ve already overcome so many difficulties in life. So, why not become even more psychologically resilient?
To develop greater psychological resilience, I recommend reading more about stoicism, Buddhism, or any other form of philosophy/spirituality that forces you to confront life’s unique challenges.
And most importantly – have faith in yourself.
As a human, you have the amazing ability to recover from the most horrific life experiences.
Bad memories are often one of those negative aspects of life that simply needs to be addressed and conquered.
Thanks
Hey man, I just found this website, and I just wanted to say I appreciate all the work you’ve put into this. I feel like you have answered so many questions I thought I was alone in asking, and you have so many different topics you cover that affect me personally. This post about memories that hold us back felt like it was written just for me and I, along with many people I’m sure, appreciate this.
Thank you for your insightful comment Andrew I appreciate you.
Same as Robert said, thank you for helping us by sharing your life experiences and resurch that you have done, but by reading bad experiences, the tears jumpt out of my eyes and i,m no crieer, for me this is not something that wil. Go away , just get over It, lease the past in the past, move on and listen to some good music and iets pretent nothing is happend.
Do you now anything about narcisisme? I do, for 49 ( last week, happy Birthday on my own because of the quarentaine, that was difficult because those days are and will be difficult.
I grew up with a covert narcistic mother and later on also her golden child my sister who was worse than my mother because she does not onderstand the word ” no” , she is the perfect one, someone worthy of love, to be proud of, she had a great Job at a office ( smile data entry) and me, i am lazy, selfish ( also HSP just like my father who felt that his dead was coming, he protected me, kept me safe as far as possible for her mind games, manipulation, silent treathment, lying and she kept me away From the things you need the most when you are 6 years old, love, safety , feeling wanted, i did not belang and i read that in her eyes over and over again untill the time was there to go in no contact at 45 , i could not take anymore, she was working on devided and quonqer, where e she put people, yes even siblings up against eachother up to the point where the disliked or even hated eachother, ofcourse my sister hated me and that het job is done so she can sit back and enjoy the show but everything that went wrong or didn,t fit the profile of how she had picture it in het make believe head what is called Narcland , the fantasie world in the narc mind where she is who she want us to be too so my identity is not my own , i did not have a proper or a little bit normal, for me was this misbehaving normal upbringing but i,ve been made into something that belongt in narcland, the scapegoat child who,s to blame for everything so her and my sisters status kept the same, ) refused to learn, had no interest, but i had, i find so many things ineresting, i,m curious and want to know everything, but in my childhood between 0 and 10 were you believe everything your parents say is true, but i was no fool and about 6 i began to carry my first mask because that look in her eyes made me so afraid that most of the times i wet myself so scared was i for my mother at 6, there where no monsters under my bed or in ny closet , the monster sat downstairs watching tv . In her eyes i never saw a fraction of love for me, only , i don,t know the english word for this, but the wanted to turn away From me like i was a dirty hobo and hate and that never left, if there was Company she was the perfect hostess and mother who talked only about my sister and how proud she was of her , but if we had a track compatition and i cameo in 2de and sis 3thrd, she stil pulled me away and my sister was so good, whatever i did It was never oké and It began to get worse because my father was done with It and if he was also an ADHD with HSP i now understand him and why he started drinking, my sister beat him up for being a father doing his parential task and if she would not she blow hij with closed fist in the face and if mother was home she watched as if she was proud of her but the pain and empathy i felt for my father where so deep and intens, but at that time i was no human anymore, i was nothing , a nobody, a selfish peace of …..! I was ruth to her, sorry wrong word hope jou onderstand, i was always yelling and cursing at my mam, although that was wat she told everyone and know i now why nobody helpt me, they believed her because every narcisist can manipulate or gaslight you and hou believe It, so good are they and they do It for one things, or 2 , one is playing the victim and i was always the bad girl, then i sound out that she gossipt about me like i was a monster, devilschild , and they believed her over a ten year old who had the right to be a innocent child instead of hearing how bad you are , worthless was the word i was looking for what i saw in her eyes, useles, hate and worthless. And so starting to see Friends and familie me to and since the day of To day she stil doing that, my father died of a massive heart attack and dispite spr ( i took a course for CPR how you resecitate and my ex husband had that for his work so we could provide first aid untill the paramedics arrived) but he died instandly, so i watch my father, my friend, my hero, such a kind man who was always there for whoever needed him and dispite It al we had a great sence of humor and we could laugh so hard over the same things that we saw at the same time but nobody else saw It, that ( adhd) humor helpt us trough the hard times because when i was 25 i moved From amsterdam to the other side of the country because i lost my job and the life i built up after they moved, a life with no abuse , what i,m telling you is mild but for a child is the silent treathment severe abuse because mommy is mad at me, i,m bad and now she hates me and i did everything i knew to make her say something to me but later in my 40s i learned that she enjoyed is, to she my dispear, my tears and not understanding, those mindfuck games she played with me when nobody was home and just before they got home the gaslighted me by saying i was a dramaqueen, nothing was wrong, kind of brainwashing, she idd that when we had a conversation and than the flipt to words around so what you said stayed the same only the outcome was different and made you really doubt yourself am i really crazy what she always said to me, but the this also to others who believed her at first .
But ten years later my mask tell of and whitout any warning i stood in the world i always pushen away, out of shame because the made me a depressed zombie who could nothing, not even bake an egg so she knew i would stay forever and she had her narcicistic suplie, but i could not take It, al there memories that came back and saw and relived what she had done to me and i became a crisis situation waiting to be admiddet for three months for diagnoses ADHD, and why is was who i was back then and i had to wait three months before there was a place and those trhree months in critical and suicadel situation left me , untill the letter came and as usual the came along and i think to manipulate the dokter but that failed and in those three months the lost me to, best desicion ever, away From the abuse at age 44 and i saw the real world, how the welcome me as if i was a normal person, i learned there more than in my whole life, they heard me, took me serious but i was afraid that whit the adhd diagnostic she was gonna lie to be mom of the year , so i told him that i knew my mother a narc was and my fear, hy askes me some questions and wouls pay attention, she had to come for four or five meetings obout the precnancy , delivery baby toddler how that al went and al the lies made me sick with her arrogance and look in her eyes i had to leave the room because she tried to destroy my future , 5 minutes later i went back and they went home that was the last one and thay where done, so my therapist said that i was right, she is a narc, the dangouras one, like a stealth plane and ready to destroy me because i made It publiek, three months later when i saw my sister again who never had come to visit had also no ears because It went about me and narc won,t accept that, they are the centerpoint.
Three months later i accomplisch my goals who i made in the clinics, a little shop at home with all my artwork and a Facebook group for people who went truc the same as i and both became a hit, see i was no loser , i was somebody i felt happy and had some succes , was she proud after three though months and instantly become a succes , no, nobody has more succes than her and happy is not wat she wanted to she, they fuel on drama and so began the smearcampange and i had to make the most difficult dissision to make and walk away from my family a deccision no child should have to make and untill today this smearcampange still runs, she destroyed everything i had left and build up, she destroyed my reputation, my name , my new found personalily everyrhing and a lot of people sided with her and as useuall i stood alone, she expacted i would come home but i opent a new group because i wil never ever kneel for evil, and i live my whole life in fear and tons off stress what killed my father, stress is a sniper at that level and i,m next, my first heart attack has been a FACT and there is nothing they can do about It, i can die now , over a year who know , but after 3 years smearing It seems my way is winning because i ignored every dirty detail they poster, letters send to my home adress , and now the is sending letters to my counselar the will stop when i,m dead and that is something you don,t sing away, i,va a complex trauma and braindamage , i made my whole life to much dopamine haha and compleet healing is not realistic at this point because i,m still learning to deal with the adhd and HSP and EET and selfconfidence selflove, i have to raise myself again what is difficult because i have no pre narcicistic experiences, this is al i know and i have to raise me with ADHD and HSP, but the journay to find the real me is fascinating and exciting, i feel so much strenger because i did,t gave in but the harrasment and bulling stil continue but people see that i,m chancing, i,m loyal have interety am honest and support people with simmular lives in a group where we are creative so they keep busy and meet new people, work on there self confidance and that is going well but the group is close and only with a requeat and question you May come in , my live is hard , but scapegoat children must be though to survive and when you see a change to go, run, run, for your life, my mother knew the was looking and the abuse became so severe that they push you to the edge and than over It, thank God i survive , i had to fight to become where i am know and i am watched 24/7 nu het believed, my wish is that It stops and i can spend my remainig time in peace, she stole my childhood, my identity, my heart what is going back getting worse and official disabelt , let me be in peace.
I hope that its readeble for you, its pretty long sorry for that, had to take breaks to hahaha but i wanted to respond to this.
Thanks you