Last updated: November 27th, 2019
All your life, you’ve been taught to believe that setting goals is the key to success.
In school, you were instructed to turn in your homework by a certain due date.
In your career, you’re probably given “target goals” or “milestones” that you’re supposed to achieve by a certain deadline.
In your personal life, you might even have daily, weekly, or yearly goals that you want to accomplish.
There’s nothing inherently wrong about setting goals. Goals can serve as a “guideline” that keep you moving in the right direction.
But, there’s one major issue with setting goals that you need to be aware of (especially if you have ADHD)…
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The problem with setting goals
The problem with setting goals is that goals make you feel bad whether you achieve them or not.
If you don’t achieve your goal, then you feel like a worthless human being. You weren’t “good enough” to achieve your goal.
If you do achieve your goal, then you get to enjoy a short-lived “high” that lasts for about 24 hours. But, what’s even worse is that once you achieve your goal, and your temporary “high” wears off, you return to feeling bad because…
1. You no longer have a goal to achieve
or
2. You suddenly have a new goal to achieve, and you have to repeat the vicious cycle of achieving a new goal
Setting goals is a lot like trapping yourself in a cycle of mental pain – which is the exact kind of thing that people with ADHD need to avoid.
Why people with ADHD need to create systems rather than goals
There’s been a lot of talk about “building systems” in the media lately.
This is because building systems allows you to get what you want out of life without living in a perpetual state of mental pain.
Media outlets like Lifehacker and The Guardian have both published good articles on building systems.
“Systems building” is the strategy that I personally use to create new content for ADHD Boss, exercise, eat healthy, socialize, and live life to the best of my ability.
The premise of building systems is really simple:
By focusing on performing specific actions rather than accomplishing goals, you will live a much healthier, happier, and more successful life.
For example:
> Instead of setting a goal to have more friends, you decide to attend at least one social “meet up” every week (social system)
> Instead of setting a goal to get a job that you love, you apply for at least one new job every day (career system)
> Instead of setting a goal to be more likable, you watch 20 minutes of stand-up comedy every night (fun system)
> Instead of setting a goal to be healthier, you do 15 minutes of bodyweight exercises every morning before you shower (health system)
See how easy it is to create systems that push you in the right direction without causing you to undergo unnecessary mental pain?
The dirty secret here is to build “bare minimum” systems that are extremely easy for you to execute.
Because, as long as you fulfill the requirements of your system every day, you will feel very good about yourself. This will help you stay motivated with ADHD over the long-term, too.
Some people believe that executing a system is the same thing as working towards a goal. But, the difference is clear:
Systems give you a sense of immediate progress, while goals keep you in a perpetual state of agony.
As long as you successfully execute your system five days per week, you’ll be able to experience tangible results, and improve your chances of fulfilling the greater vision that you’ve set for your life.
And, even if you don’t always execute your system in the way that you’d like to (you underperform), that’s perfectly fine too.
As long as your system works well for you, and you’re successful with your system most of the time, that’s all that really matters in the end.
How to create your first system if you have ADHD
People with ADHD have been indoctrinated with “goal setting” for many years.
So, “systems building” is something that can take a few weeks, months, or even years to perfect.
But, the good news is that creating your first system is super easy.
Tim Ferriss, the famous author who’s best-known for writing The 4-Hour Workweek, has an amazing system for publishing best-selling books.
He writes just two crappy pages per day.
It’s extremely comforting to know that high performers like Tim Ferriss build “bare minimum” systems, because this means that you don’t always have to do a lot in order to get great results for your life.
In other words, Tim Ferriss understands the importance of setting the barrier low, so that you can easily surpass your own expectations (if you want to).
So, the first system that you create will obviously depend on the specific vision that you have for your life, career, relationships, or virtually anything else.
The most important thing to keep in mind is that you need to start small, keep your expectations low, and focus on taking specific actions.
Systems are dependent on you taking action rather than setting goals.
For example, here are some specific actions that you can use for creating your first system:
- Drink one green smoothie per day
- Do 15 push-ups every morning
- Play volleyball every Thursday night with friends
- Make small talk with at least one new person every day (can be anyone)
- Read 15 pages of a book every night before going to bed
- Go out for drinks every Saturday night
If you follow this example system for just one month, you’ll probably become healthier, more socially active, and well-read.
But, the real magic happens when you create your own system, and continually tweak it until you’re able to “design” the lifestyle that you want to live.
Building a system and continuously refining your system is one of the most powerful actions that people with ADHD can focus on.
Final thoughts
I first learned about building systems in the book How to Fail at Almost Everything and Still Win Big (Amazon).
This book, which is written by Scott Adams, is one of the greatest “life success” books that I tell everyone with ADHD to read. Regardless of your age, experience, or current station in life.
It provides a complete breakdown of why you should build systems for your life, and how to build systems.
The book also provides some amazing insights about building complementary skills (“talent stacks”), improving your odds of success, working a great career, and so much more.
After reading the book, you’ll probably come to realize that your life is a series of systems.
Everyone has systems.
But, you can become conscious of the systems that perpetuate your life. And, you can “tweak” your systems until you’re able to live the kind of life that you dream about.
I get overwhelmed with my plans for the day. Not knowing what to prioritize or what the word structure means. The thought of having a goal is so big and demanding.
This article helped me alot with the basic thoughts of health, happiness, career, social life and fun.
It could be used for mental health too.
Stop three negative thoughts a day.
Recognize 2 things your grateful today.
Give yourself a pat on the shoulder when you overcome an urge or craving.
Completely feel blessed and content when out in nature. Or looking at your cat.
Just some thoughts.
Just the thought of having goals gives me anxiety too. I know exactly how you feel.
I’m really happy to hear that this article helped you. Thank you very much for letting me know that. I really appreciate it.
Yes, I also hope that this article helps people enjoy a higher quality of mental health.
And I totally agree with all of the ‘thoughts’ that you’ve mentioned.
Stopping negative thoughts, having gratitude, and loving yourself / life are all extremely important.
Funny enough, cats are naturally playful and content. We should probably be more like them.
I feel the same way- very overwhelming to try to even figure out what goals to make! I appreciate what you wrote, especially the mental health suggestions. Thank you!
I have ADHD, diagnosed as an adult. Last two years have been way worse than before I started treatment. I think this is it. It makes so much sense. Putting it into action tomorrow. Thank you so much! (Also gonna get adrenal health and licorice root a try)
Hi Matt. I love reading comments like these, where I can see that you’ve genuinely discovered something that will immediately benefit your life.
I’m truly excited to hear that you’re *taking action* with building your first system.
Enjoy the healthy addiction that is building systems. Your systems will only get better and more fun as time goes on.
Interestingly enough I feel like I’ve subconsciously done this and referred to it as “strategizing” rather than system building. But for me (diagnosed as an adult 3 years ago at the age of 28) the parts of this article that were profoundly helpful were the following: bringing to consciousness the issue at hand. Goal setting has been drilled into us our entire lives. It truly imposes a constant (and for me subconscious until now) feeling of impending doom. I can now focus on this system building strategically rather than end up doing it unknowingly as a coping mechanism. Secondly, setting the barrier low is BRILLIANT. I always set my “goals” to the extreme. When I go into hyper-focus I would be a lot more productive if I didn’t set the bar high and try to reach it by ‘jumping’ within my system. Rather I will build one stair at a time and simply walk up them. One nail every day.
Keep doing what you’re doing and know that you really are helping people.
Thanks!
Joey
Joey,
Thank you for the excellent comment brother. I’m excited to hear that you’re now conscious of system building.
Yes, goals always feel like impending doom. You’re absolutely right about that. That’s no way for us to live our lives.
One nail every day is all it takes. That’s exactly how I do it too.
And thank you for the words of encouragement. It’s always nice to hear when this website genuinely helps someone with ADHD.
Hi my name is Jessica! I am a very young mother of a seven year old diagnosed with ADHD at the age of 6! This is my first article i read about “building a system” and it caught my eye! Please give me an advice or guidance as to how i can build a system for my little one!!!
May God bless you!!!
Hi Jessica. Thanks so much for your comment.
1. Help your daughter discover her true interests
2. Enroll your daughter in whatever she’s interested in (competitive sports, the arts, acting, singing, or anything else that she likes)
3. Feed her lots of healthy foods (read the book Deep Nutrition, which is listed on my “Resources page”, if you need a great diet plan for optimal health
4. Help her socialize with other kids as often as possible
5. Avoid watching television (especially negative influences like the mainstream news)
6. Give her lots of LOVE and work hard to avoid those negative influences (your daughter shouldn’t even know what anger is)
(You’ll have to take these ideas, and work with them to create your own “daily system” for her, depending on your schedule)
And remember that developing a healthy, abundant mindset is the #1 priority in life.
May God bless you too!
I do something sort of similar since I have issues with goals as well. I do challenges. There are a lot of them on Pinterest especially drawing challenges. Right now I am doing a month of Christmas drawings where I draw something Christmas related each day.
I also do my own thing that I came up with for a cleaning challenge. I get a large amount of silk flowers from WalMart or the Dollar store and some floral tape and larger tongue depressor type sticks and attach one to each flower. Each flower has a house hold chore written on it and is placed in a large thrift shop vase. I challenge myself to do at least one thing per day or more if I am up to it. I randomly pick a flower and whatever household chore that I pick has to be done that day. Daily chores just get done daily but things like organizing, deep cleaning. laundry or chores that only need to be done weekly, monthly or annually get put on the flowers. A lot of them are organizing and purging tasks. When I am done with the daily chore that I picked, I put it in a smaller vase and end up with several smaller vases at the end of the season which I put throughout the house to decorate as I get them done. When the season is over and all of my flowers are displayed around the house I put them away with the rest of the seasonal items. Then I start a new season. Right now my flowers are Christmas flowers and pinecones and pine twigs. When this season is over I go straight into Valentines and then St. Patrick’s day and so on and so forth.
This system has worked pretty well for me except for when I have curve balls thrown at me. Right now I am struggling with depression. It always hits me hardest at Christmas time. I haven’t been able to figure out how to get over this hump. Things eventually work themselves out but when I get depressed I have a hard time believing that there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts on here Carol.
That’s awesome to hear that you’re doing Christmas drawing challenges!
It’s really cool to hear how you challenge yourself to get household chores done. That’s very creative of you.
I’m sure that someone here will read your strategy and use it for herself 🙂
I wish you the best of luck with your depression Carol. Please don’t hesitate to get help if you need it. There are people who are counting on you, and there is always a light at the end of the tunnel. Even just meeting with a therapist once a week or so can be a huge relief. It’s good to have someone to talk with, you know?
That sounds like Seasonal Affective Disorder – I have it on top of MDD, panic disorder, and ADHD and it SUCKS.
Vitamin D supplements and full-spectrum lights are your best friends with SAD. The disorder has to do with the way your brain processes seasonal light (most people suffer in winter, but I know some for whom summer is worst, or like me who struggle with transitional periods between seasons), and full-spectrum daylight bulbs (the glass is usually blue) help to mimic summer sunlight. Winter sun has some bands of color filtered out and tends to be bluer. Also, the lack of sun exposure means that we aren’t producing enough vitamin D, so supplementing during the cold months can help. (It also helps to prevent bone loss – make sure you also get enough calcium because they’re needed in concert.)
Thanks for sharing this tip Dusky. You’ve shared some really helpful information about SAD.
I can vouch that Vitamin D supplements and full-spectrum lights are amazing.
I don’t have SAD, but those are two of the best life-enhancing tools that just about anyone can use.
What “studying system” could you use to help a first year university student who is overwhelmed by all the assignments, readings etc…..
Hi Suzy.
Daily study sessions for sure. Studying daily helps so much. Especially when you study for just 1-2 hours per day (the information becomes so much easier to digest).
It’s the procrastination and all-night study sessions that you need to avoid when you’re in school.
Good luck!
Hi Suzy~
I am a recent grad in underground and grad school so I understand the struggle! I had a system that worked for me that relied on solely in google apps. This way i could access it for anywhere and, more importantly, I didn’t have the opportunity to lose the paper I would write the plan down on ;). Mines pretty detailed (accounting major here) but it may help you tailor one for yourself. I should note that it is color coded since I’m visual..not the stereotypical boring accountant here! I could send it to you if you’d like. ~Erin
Hello Erin. I have a 17 yo son who struggles tremendously in school. Would you mind sharing this with me so I can use it with him? Thank you in advance.
I cannot tell you how much I appreciate this practical information! It is especially challenging at this time of year when it seems everyone is making resolutions for the new year. I don’t bother doing this anymore because it has rarely helped me. I absolutely love the systems idea and plan to begin implementing it this week!
Thank you!
Pauline
Thank you for your kind words Pauline.
Really happy to hear that you appreciate the “systems” way of life. It’s genuinely life-changing.
Hello. Lurking for a couple of weeks, first time commenting. My problem with setting goals is that I either never finish them or I get bored at any hint of failure. Sometimes I don’t even relish it too well when I am successful. Although I do have some plans for 2018, I wasn’t sure if I will be successful or not.
However, after I read your article I am feeling more encouraged by your approach and I will try it for the next couple of weeks. I hope that by following this method and encouragement of other people, I can stick with this method towards my dreams. I feel like I’ve been stuck in the same never ending loop for years and it is time for me to move forward.
Hey Jorge. Thanks so much for leaving your comment here, and sharing your thoughts with the community.
Systems are definitely life-changing, so I think you’re in the right place.
Remember that it’s great to have dreams. Systems are the method that you will use to achieve your dreams.
I wish you the best of luck.
-Stef
I feel so relieved by hearing I can strike the panic-inducing word “goal” from my vocabulary! As a mother with ADHD parenting a child with it also has been fun but messy and disorganized. I’ve always felt irresponsible because I haven’t been able to model goal setting and achieving. I can’t wait to share this with him. Thank you!
Li, that’s exactly how I felt about getting rid of goals. Seriously. It’s an incredible relief.
And, the best part is that your life (and your child’s life) will become even more organized and productive once you all start using systems.
You’re very welcome. Thank you for reading!
Thank you SO MUCH for writing this article, Stefan!
Thank you so much for reading Maja. I hope this article helped you out.
I was 15 years old when I first read this and I literally cried because I hardly knew what I thought about anything, but I knew it hurt in a way no one else felt, when I read this I knew almost immediately that this is a big reason why. Systems are a life saver. THANK YOU!!
Hi Xavier. That’s really awesome to hear that this article has helped you. I’m glad that you’re using systems to live a better life. You’re lucky that you’re using systems at such a young age. You have a bright future ahead of you.
-Stef
I know exactly what you are talking about, the pain. I am outlining my plan now. Does anyone else get stuck in that endless loop of planning the perfect (insert anything here). Sometimes I will spend a week trying to make a plan as it has to be perfect.
ME TOO!!! I went to a workshop on goal-setting yesterday as a way of motivating myself, but afterwards I remembered all those times I set up a goal with action plans and steps, and by the time I had it all written down, I was over it! No more desire to achieve it! Then I remembered seeing this article and searched it on Pinterest, and here I am! So I will work on this
However, I have had difficulty in the past remembering to do the new things! Habit trackers in my planner don’t seem to help either. Any ideas. Stefan?
Set goals that are bigger, better, and more dopamine-fueled. You have to want something very badly in order to achieve it. If you aren’t remembering your goals you might find a way to set more attractive goals for yourself & your future!
Thankyou so very much for sharing, ive been living with ADD, diognosed over 20 years ago now, since my last relationship break-up, i am now a single Mumma of 3 & seem to be struggling now more than ever with disorganization, time management, routine & finding little gems along the way like this to help not only myself, but my children too, because i can only teach things i know myself how to do, so thankyou so much, for your knowledge is helping not only this generation, its also rippling out to the next, & the next and so on.
Kristen you are awesome. I appreciate you. You matter a lot!
Thank you for writing this! I have felt so stuck and at the end of each week I am pulling my hair out thinking what in the world happened here (or didn’t happen that should have)?!?! I am 48 year old widow and just diagnosed with ADHD and I have three teens with varying intensities of it and anxiety. Lots of chaos, lack of productivity and really, just my poor modeling for my kids often leaves me feeling defeated and hopeless. If it wasn’t for Jesus I do not know what would’ve become of us.
This article gives me hope and I look forward to reading more articles. Bless you.
God bless you too Susan. Thank you so much for reading.
I can empathize with you, Susan. I was diagnosed at 50 when I took my son to the psychologist. They were asking the questions and I said that sounds like me. I feel guilty that I was not the best mom I could have been because I didn’t know what to do. My husband was a great dad but we had and still have so many arguments because I am forgetful, distracted, procrastinate, and all the other wonderful traits that ADHDers have. These systems will help. I’m also in direct sales where they are constantly asking about your goals and I was thinking about getting out but I’m going to try using systems with my business. That’s what I had done in the beginning 15 years ago.
Just reading this lowered my blood pressure.
Haha that’s perfect!
So what should someone do when these suggested actions, or even building a system, look and feel like goals? Because that’s where I am.
You need a bigger and more exciting vision that’s in alignment with what you really want.
If you’re having a super hard time following your system, your vision needs to be more exciting and satisfying.
That should get your brain to create more dopamine and get you more motivated to follow through with your system!
Isn’t your suggestions still goal setting? I guess I’m not completely understanding the difference between setting goals, like having more friends so I’m going to do something social once a week vs my action plan to do something social once a week. Goal vs Systems. Sounds the same and looks the same just marketed differently?
That’s how I thought too, but the difference I think is that we wity ADHF think of goals as things that are far away and something that takes lots of work to do.
With systems, instead of a far off goal, we aim to do a small bit of that goal every day to keep things moving toward the endgame.
Completely agree Rana!
Hello, I is funny that I stumbled upon this article while googling “if you do not commit to short goals…” to see what would come up. I googled this because have come to realized that it is also a matter of trusting yourself. For example I like to run, now I can run a marathon, but when I started I certainly could not run even 5K. It is worhwhile mentioning that I start running 4 years ago because by that time I was not feeling progress in any aspect of my life So I thought to myself that running 5K was an honest goal (after all running is about one step at the time), So I started running frequently and the funny part is that this feeling of progress increased my self-confidence in almost every aspect of my life so it boost me to have a better job, improved my relationships and other aspects of my life. The thing is, systems are an essential part of what I call the 4C principle that I have come with to deal with frustration, pain and anxiety. This 4 elements are Confidence, Comprehension, Congruency and Consistency. I would love to share ideas about this topic if you are willing to. My mail is franc.mendra@gmail.com
Awesome comment, thank you for sharing Francisco.
Thanks for your article. I am so excited to try it. I do not have adhd but have family members that do so I am always on the lookout for information.
I will be turning 60 in 3 days and have recently been dumped after a 20 year relationship. Needless to say motivation and goal setting have been very difficult due to emotional stressors. Thx for a light at the end of the tunnel, this means so much to me to have a shot at getting my life back on track. 😭 (tears of joy)
Thank you so much Judi and I wish you all the best in life.
This is a great article, such great advice. 🙂
I have a lot of trouble “directing” and prioritizing my thoughts and goals, for a lack of a better way to put it, and I tend to get overwhelmed by what I want and need to do.
It makes me feel better, the idea of doing little, even indirect, things as opposed to trying to do what ,what it seems like, most people do.
Thank you!
Thank you for your thoughtful comment Robin. Truly appreciate you.
I’d really love to find more help on ways to input and follow systems. I mean we are ADHD, we don’t stick to things. How does this system work for us over the long term?
On a side note, the Guardian article is a negative review of the book you refer to.
Thank you for your comment Chey. Following any sort of system long-term is probably going to be a little bit painful, especially with ADHD. I think that’s the uncomfortable truth. But if you check out my article on celebrities with ADHD you’ll notice there are a bunch of professional athletes and other high-achievers with ADHD who’ve managed to make systems work for them. It’s 100% possible.
Hi there, thankyou so much for the great article, I went from a very active, non sit still life to quite a sedentary lifestyle after quite a few injuries.
I know reframing my many goals into a system will really help with my frustration levels,and leave me room to have a little fun/timeout.
You’re welcome Catherine, yes you’re in the perfect position to start reframing your goals into a system. I completely agree. I wish you the best of luck and thank you.
I don’t know if I have ADHD yet, but I struggled all my life with these symptoms.
I believe this article is exactly what I needed to read. I’ll see in the very long term where this will lead me, but I’m quite optimistic !
Thank you so much boss !
Thank you Orange!